How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
