if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
