I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
