I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
