can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My life is pants optional.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
