sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
