Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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