dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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