i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
