GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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