Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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