swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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