the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize