i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
