totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I supernannyed him into submission
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
