there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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