Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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