I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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