I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm at about main and main street
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
