the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
