Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
