You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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