you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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