So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
