if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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