My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
