I just pynch a tree in the face
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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