Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
