Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im holly from the hills drunk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
