Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
