I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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