Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
