The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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