I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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