Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
