I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
