awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize