At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
