You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize