Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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