It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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