haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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