I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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