Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
