Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
