They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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