yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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