Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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