Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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