I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Alive.
So much puke
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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