do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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