Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win