Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
