Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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