And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
