you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
