im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
