but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
