Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
