I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
