She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
