as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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