some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
