ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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