You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
