At least make sure they are 18
Why
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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